My first 6 years were spent in a rural idyll being housed in a large wonderful pub with real fires and real beer and famous people came to drink and stay on their way around the country because of its location. I was looked after in the ideal country environment by stand in grandparent childminders who could not be bettered. Learning about nature and this grew in me a love of that life. Learnt independence and to love nature.
Moved to urban deprivation in a pub and learnt how hard life can be at the bottom for people and how you really do have to look after yourself. Learnt to hide all signs of emotions for protection and created a pretty hostile attitude to parents especially father because of all the physical and emotional neglect and punishment.
Decided I will not live like this. Got a degree – got a job as commercial property chartered surveyor – in order to feel I could make a living myself and be safe .I was unsuited for and resented this MCP riddled environment for most of my working life.
My father dies when I am 20. I have the feeling for many years I should try and discover what happens when we die- what can we know – the little voice inside kept telling me to go to a medium- no way. Got Chrohns disease –two operations later I’m lovely and thin for the first time in my life! But it really hurts. It’s wearing me down, softening me up to be willing to do something else.
Got married started to feel safer. Gave in after a lot of strange happenings and started a spiritual investigation Found out to my satisfaction we don’t die and odds on there is a God / Goddess (nicer!) and that unexpressed anger and other emotions were a lot to do with getting ill for me. I discovered Lazaris a channelled teacher on tape so I didn’t have to see anyone- too scary. Started to discover about spiritual Love in meditation and how THIS was what I had been seeking like a fix of what I was already addicted to and in painful with drawl for.
Started to feel even safer- love was not something I earned but learnt to receive so was a much safer option. Ended marriage. Started to look for ways to earn a living in a way that would make me happy. Started to produce films that told stories from my photos accompanying music to tell the story. Had a dream – go to college study Psychology – did a part time course on Work Psychology. Found out what was making me miserable by official name and cashed in pension saying to myself – I’d rather be poor than keep working at this. Left surveying profession. Left half way through Masters. Working on what Soulful Work should be –too many options it seemed to me. Big creativity plus self-doubt=endless confusion. Receiving endless spiritual help sorting out my brain and long lost deep frozen issues. Getting to think straight and feel like giving rather than being afraid of it. Created a series of music videos to encapsulate my learning. You are now more or less up to date!
See Rebel Heart video above for visual representation of story.